REAL LIFE STORIES
by Hazel

Grief and loss. It's tough

I didn’t want to have to share my story. But I know I have to. Sitting in your discomfort (on or off the yoga mat) it can feel, well, just that… uncomfortable. Today I'm sharing with you my very personal story. One, which if you have ever experienced loss, love, grief – you will know all too well, feels uncomfortable.

So, I decided to write and share with you my experiences. 5 years ago, I lost my mum.

My beautiful, smiley, loving mother who had such a light-hearted warmth, who loved to see the humour in everything!

Writing and sharing this deeply personal experience with you has helped me so much - To feel, to grieve, to feel lighter, liberated, empowered to own my story, my journey.

Sharing really is caring 💖

If you’re feeling or have felt lost or confused by grief or loss, then know You are not alone.

Yes, it’s tough to discuss,

Tough to put into words,

A tough one to navigate.

But here is my story.

My phone rang during the Wales v Scotland 6 Nations game - I answered jokingly “Why are you ringing me during the rugby Mum? Couldn't you wait until full time?!” But it wasn't Mum. My brother’s shaken voice spoke “Mum’s collapsed. She’s been rushed to A&E.”

“Suspected stroke”. Those words. That moment. That will never fade.

Later, from the hospital, the words “Fatal stroke”. Those words forever etched in my mind.

As you can imagine, my whole world was shaken. Thrown into complete turmoil. Broken. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent, taken so suddenly and unfairly 'This shouldn't happen to a healthy person!' only 1 month, to the day, after her 58th birthday. It was just too soon!

We'd only just celebrated my 30th birthday. Mine & Ian's engagement. How was I to plan my wedding with the prospect of my beloved mother (who was SO, so excited for us) not being there for our big day?!

Looking back on it now, I realise that was just the beginning of the journey into grief and loss. There are so many things that come after the actual passing of a loved one. Things that before it happens had never even crossed my mind. So many life lessons to come.

And then, so very tragically for myself, brother, stepsister and my husband - we suffered another huge loss. My stepdad. Who, I guess you could say was the definition of heart broken, passed away.

It was my 33rd birthday.

Life can be cruel.

So very cruel.

These life changing events,

These huge losses,

The overwhelming grief has, however, taught me so many things.

Life lessons. Albeit in the toughest way.

It has shown me my resilience, my strength (and also my weaknesses) but importantly it’s shown me the fact that we all have choices in life. We can choose who we love, we can choose who we’re kind to. But we can also choose boundaries, and to not let people take advantage or abuse our compassion and our want to help, even in seemingly hopeless situations.

Even though these past few years have genuinely been the toughest in my life, in a strange kind of way, I am grateful. I honestly don’t think I’d be where I am today if I hadn’t had my world shaken, my perspective altered, and therefore my priorities re-evaluated.

I’m not for one minute saying I’m glad for these tragic losses – I’d give anything to have my Mum and Stepdad back here on this earth today. However, I am glad for the lessons. Glad I have managed to look back, reflect, and change a lot of my previous negative behaviours and limiting self-beliefs due to working through these traumas.

It's allowed me to grow into the yoga teacher I am today. Wanting to share the amazing healing power of yoga with every single person, every day, because I know first-hand - It really works.

Learn.

Grow.

Evolve.

I am not saying that I’m healed of grief, or the losses, or of anxiety and depression.

I am just lucky enough to have been able to talk to someone when it was desperately needed and therefore be where I am, and who I am today.

And for THAT, I am eternally grateful.

If you’re experiencing loss, grief or just need someone to talk to please know that there is help out there. 

Cruse were an amazing support to me when I so desperately needed it and have a free confidential counselling phoneline and can even offer support groups and 121 counselling when available locally.

Mind Cymru are also an amazing charity with loads of resources available on mental health.

Samaritans are also available 24/7, every single day of the year, providing a safe place for anyone who is struggling to cope. Samaritans’ free helpline number is: 116 123. Calls to this helpline number do not appear on phone bills.

So much love to each and every one of you reading this.

And please know you are not alone, whatever you are going through.

Shared by Hazel who runs Hazel Lily Yoga in South Wales 

www.hazellilyyoga.weebly.com